"I'm making a list," Rachelle announced, "of the things I want to accomplish before I turn thirty."
"Good idea," I said, "I hear thirty is the new eighty. I mean, it's practically a death sentence."
"Shut up! you know what I mean. There are loads of things I want to do, and by making this list, I'm setting myself a goal."
"Like what? What sort of things do you want to do?"
"Oh, you know, run a marathon, go to Egypt..." At this point Lou started nodding vigourously.
"I know what you mean!" she exclaimed, "you know, I've always wanted to take a yoga teacher training course."
I tried to maintain a pleasant, neutral expression as they continued listing all the things they hoped to do in the next two years, but inwardly I was freaking out. Yoga teacher training? I stretch every night before bed and I still can't touch my toes! Marathon? Hello old sports injuries! I suppose Michael and I could very well go to Egypt, but I doubt it will happen before I turn thirty.
I didn't have a list, and more importantly, I knew if I made one, it wouldn't be realistic. But then I realised I could come up with a better list. A list that would make me feel better, and involve minimal effort and money on my part. Because, after spending week after week watching my interns stare at me in disbelief when I tell them quite happily that my weekend plans involve doing nothing, I've discovered that there's nothing better than knowing you're too old to do something you never wanted to do in the first place. So without further ado is my little list of Things I'm glad I've never done, and now it's too late anyway, thank goodness.
I'm glad I've never...
1) Gone to a foam party.
2) Had a high school romance.
3) Been single in Vegas.
4) Gotten married in Vegas.
5) Been an exotic dancer.
6) Worn hotpants
7) Dyed my hair black (though I did contemplate this one at the age of 13, during my gothic angst period)
8) Experimented with hard drugs
9) Taken up smoking
10) Gotten a tattoo