People, this year I actually remembered American thanksgiving even without the help of various American sit-com Thanksgiving specials to remind me. Am I on the ball, or what? It's next week, right? I think it's supposed to be on a Thursday, but that will go out the window as I don't have the day off. Nor Friday. So Saturday it is! I'm thinking of doing a turbaconducken with a cherpumple cake for dessert. Michael will be so pleased, right? Okay, maybe a roast chicken, maybe some mashed potatoes, a veg, and something pumpkinny would be better.
We can pretend we've got the whole family coming over, and watch football, and Michael can shout out things like 'Go team!' and 'Get me another beer, woman!' whereupon I will pretend to be mad at him, but eventually go get his beer because I love the rascal. I wonder if there are any children we can borrow to perform a pageant for us, and make us hideous centrepieces... It will be exactly as American TV has told me it would be all these years.
Then, fat on feast and drunk on pumpkin punch, we'll walk down to the Thames and throw a box of Twinnings English Breakfast in the river, as a symbolic gesture of patriotism toward America the beautiful - and then I will even sing America the Beautiful (even though I don't know the words), and we will declare it to have been the best Thanksgiving ever!
Sometimes I kind of wish I were a character in an American sit-com because all of that actually sounds pretty fun, minus the mysoginistic husband bit. He'll never agree to say sexist things to me, though, so my dream of the perfect TV American Thanksgiving is ruined. We'll have to do what real American families do on this, their most blessed of holidays. Which reminds me, what does a non-TV American Thanksgiving consist of? I hope people play scrabble. I love scrabble.